Kelly Barclay

In this episode, Host Rikki Harris talks with her hair stylist about the mental health connection that happens in the styling chair. Not only can a stylist provide necessary human touch, but some of the deepest and most meaningful conversations can occur when someone is in a vulnerable position with the expert in charge of their appearance. Harris talks with her renowned hairstylist Kelly Barclay of Wild Iris Salon. Settle in as we get CAN+DID with a specialist who keeps our host beautiful.

Transcript

Rikki Harris: 0:02

Candide is a podcast of Tennessee voices about mental health, featuring stories of people who have overcome mental health challenges, as well as those who have helped people overcome mental health challenges. This podcast is about authenticity. And it's intended to give a voice to those who are passionate about mental well being. We hope that by sharing stories, listeners will understand mental health and how important it is and help us reduce stigma. We want you to know that so many who have struggled with mental health can and did overcome their challenges. And if you are struggling, you can too. I'm your host, Ricky Harris, CEO of Tennessee voices, and with me is my favorite co host, will Voss CEO of Tennessee voices. Welcome to our podcast, let's get candid. So 2020 and 2021 have obviously been unprecedented years in our nation, people have really struggled on everything that's going on in the last 18 months or so. And we started to understand that more people are reaching out needing mental health services because there's, there's a feeling that they don't know how to deal with. It's something new. It's something that is not pleasant. And sometimes it's described as you know, feeling anxious or depressed. But not everyone is clinically anxious or depressed, but rather they're feeling a feeling called languishing.

Brian Sullivan: 1:41

Watch story of hope streaming now on the Tennessee voices network AT T Ed voices.org. And while you're there, check out resources like our online library, mental health factsheets and a guided meditation to help you move from languishing to flourishing.

Rikki Harris: 1:58

Fabulous. Welcome to this episode of candid. I'm your host, Ricky Harris, and my co host,

Unknown: 2:05

will vos EO.

Rikki Harris: 2:08

I'm super excited about this episode will because we interviewed our hair people, my hairdresser, your barbers. And we did that for a number of reasons. Certainly, I had some thoughts about why What were you thinking when I said, Hey, let's interview people who do our hair.

Unknown: 2:29

You know, my mind immediately thought they probably they probably could be licensed as much as they hear. They hear a lot. You hear a lot of a lot of concerns from their clients. And they're probably experts in the field by now. Right?

Rikki Harris: 2:43

Right. I had the same thought. Um, I think what really stood out to me in my interview, and by the way, in this episode, I interviewed my hairdresser. Kel. And you interviewed your barber Antoine. And we did this separately had one on one. So I'll just talk for a second about what stood out to me. And then I want to hear from you just highlights from Antoine interview. But Kellen, I always end up talking about mental health. And I don't know if that's just the nature of like, that's what I do. And so that's where the conversation goes, because she kind of follows me through those conversations. But one of the things I learned from her that really stood out to me, she talks about in the interview is what they learned in school about the power of human touch. And so you know, you're, she's there, washing my hair, touching my head close in my space, so that it creates some intimacy in terms of just closeness, physical closeness, which then opens a person up to more vulnerability to just start sharing. And I never thought about that. I never thought about the why behind. We've all heard it, you know, the hairdressers chair is kind of like a pseudo therapy chair, or maybe a gossip chair. But I never really associated the personal touch in the personal proximity, physical proximity, rather, that something Kelly talked about was just hearing all these stories and taking that home, because she's not trained to know what to do with all that information. So and she also said, she definitely doesn't feel like she's in a position where she should or could offer anyone advice. So she just has to do a lot of listening. And she's very empathetic. She She admittedly said that she carries a lot of those stories and difficult things home, and then she has to figure out how to take care of herself to not let that weigh on her. And so we talked a lot about what self care and mental health looks like for her personally. So that's interesting. One of the things you said a struck me that we should probably tell listeners that we have some resources and things available. Yes, people are needing to seek out help on different topics, the first of which is an online library that we can, we can access right through our website at tn places.org. And search up things, self help related kinds of books, downloads, free resources that you can access. So that's one way, but then maybe you could talk briefly about the app that we're working on.

Unknown: 5:19

Yeah, so we're working on an app, the Tennessee screen app, and it is going to be something that's really, truly going to be able to get in what we hope will get in the hands of many individuals that are struggling with mental health concerns. How do we work to prevent suicide? And how do we provide these tools for coping, if someone is thinking about having suicidal ideations or not going through that difficult day, and they don't know what to do? And don't feel that they have anyone to talk to? How can they access these resources through an app right there in the palm of their hands.

Rikki Harris: 5:56

I'm excited about it. And we're getting really close to a release date. So coming very soon, we're also getting close to our virtual Gala. And we decided, again, this year not to do an in person gathering, but rather to do something online. And what we really wanted to focus on was how can we continue to help strengthen the community, from the feeling of languishing, just being stuck in this state that we're in as a society, dealing with all the things we've dealt with in the last 18 months? And feeling kind of, blah, and how can we move forward? And how can we experience our joy again, like we remember it pre, the last 18 months. So that's coming, and hopefully, very, very soon. Oh, by the way, I should say, That's November 16th. It's going to streamers 16. Yes, yes. It's gonna stream on our platforms. You can find information about it on our Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Do we have a tick tock account?

Unknown: 6:59

Yeah, but

Rikki Harris: 7:00

really do that? Yeah. I mean, I don't know what the content will be. Because Don't you have to have video? See, I'm like not. I have no idea.

Unknown: 7:11

That's what we're here for Ricky. We're here. Yes, we have a tic tac that will be coming. So be on the lookout listeners.

Rikki Harris: 7:20

Yes. And with that, we're also going to release a guided meditation that I I wrote, and had the pleasure of working with Bill Fondren, one of our previous candid podcast guest, who did the voice over for that meditation, it is amazing what happens when a professional reads, a guided meditation the way it's supposed to be done, it sounds awesome. So I'm really excited about that, we're going to have some music and some graphic put with that and release that to the public, which again, will be released on all of our social channels, but also tm voices.org. So lots coming. And the reason behind it, maybe we could take three minutes and talk about why this is important to us to provide all these resources to the community.

Unknown: 8:13

So yes,

Rikki Harris: 8:16

I mean, first of all, how many people have told you that they're struggling or feeling some kind of way that they don't understand or have not experienced before?

Unknown: 8:24

I mean, you hear it so so often, Ricky, and you know, I even thought about, we talk a lot about languishing. And I think about my self care tips. And where you go, we'll hear from our Barber, and my barber and his hairstyle is going to the barbershop is a part of my self care. And it got to the point where I started not going as often as, as I used to go, didn't feel like getting up and going and just wanted to beat myself. And I know that that was not like me, I'm always trying to make sure that I've got a crisp learn, and maybe, here and there. But that was at that moment where I realized, you know what, it's something something's not right. something's a little off. And you hear so often. You know, I've talked to many friends about languishing, you know, since the conversation started between you and I, and a lot of people are starting to feel, or they're feeling better that they now have a term to equate to how they've been feeling. No, it's not depression, you know, but it's a different feeling. It's an odd feeling a state of being and I've never been there before, and some people are losing some joy over there. So to be able to get the word out about you know, what, hey, I'm experiencing this too. And here's some tips and tools that can help you get through it. And most importantly, let people know that you can get through it. You know, we're living proof that it's possible. And we're also improved to let you know that we're here to support you and walk with you along that journey.

Rikki Harris: 10:10

Yeah, I agree. I mean, one of the things I think that we can we can do for the community is trying to help move them from languishing to flourishing. And I literally wrote that as a mission statement that we want to help people find their joy. And all of this that's been happening. And I'm excited about that. The podcast, I think, is one effort to do that just to help hear from everybody else about what's been going on with them, and how they're coping. Because this is not a one size fits all. This is a will throw a bunch of ideas at you. We hope you'll try something that helps you and moves you on to a better position. Hopefully, you feel like you are flourishing, and finding joy again, and all that all that's going on in the world. So I'm excited about this episode, you guys are going to enjoy it. We'll take a quick break and then we'll be back with my interview with Cal and Will's interview with Antoine.

Erika Lathon: 11:16

We'll be right back after this short break.

Vicki Yates: 11:22

A new podcast is not only shining a light on mental health, but showing others that they can overcome their struggles. NewsChannel five scenesse leam gives us a first look at candidate

Seena Sleem: 11:36

it's called candid but spelled this way for a reason man bed is

Rikki Harris: 11:40

a podcast of Tennessee voices about mental health.

Seena Sleem: 11:43

Each episode will have guests telling their stories of struggle when it comes to mental health and sharing how they can and did overcome their challenges shows like postpartum depression for co host rookie Harris

Rikki Harris: 11:55

that was the first time that I really didn't know what to do with my own mental health. I mean, I have a lot of coping skills and I had a lot of education and training in the area. And I needed help during that time. And so seeking out therapy and even looking at the options of taking medication for me were just really scary and feelings

Seena Sleem: 12:17

of anxiety for CO hosts will Boss

Unknown: 12:19

What is my purpose, you know, and really kind of filling down a lot of times as far as Oh, I'm never gonna amount to this would never amount to that.

Seena Sleem: 12:25

During the pandemic mental health struggles have only been amplified

Rikki Harris: 12:29

people were turning more toward substances during the pandemic. suicides were increasing during the pandemic, concerns for people's lives were really serious.

Seena Sleem: 12:41

The podcast is another way to help people cope

Unknown: 12:44

okay to not be okay and you are not alone. We are here we are here to help and to

Seena Sleem: 12:51

expand resources to those that need it, especially in rural areas. Sina Saleem NewsChannel five.

Vicki Yates: 12:59

Now if you want to give the podcast a listen, it's available on all major platforms like Spotify and Amazon music. If you or someone you know is dealing with a mental health challenge and want to reach out for help. We have a whole list of resources on our website NewsChannel five.com.

Erika Lathon: 13:16

Welcome back. Okay,

Rikki Harris: 13:22

awesome. Welcome to the candidate podcast. Kelly Barclay. How are you?

Kelly Barclay: 13:28

Thank you. I'm doing well. How are you doing?

Rikki Harris: 13:31

I'm good. I'm good. I'm super excited. Because in this episode, we have two interviews one with you. And then one, my co host is interviewing his barber. So we have we have a themed episode. We were we were we were nerding out on that being the theme because anyway, you know, we were talking my co host, co host will and I were talking about the relationship you have with a person who does your hair. It's kind of a special relationship. And we know what it's like on our side being the person in the chair. But I guess we want to know what it's like on your side being the person dealing with the person. Yeah, gosh, and something that we've been, you know, I've always heard friends over the years who you know, are in any kind of services for you know, cosmetic or whatever would say I feel like a therapist sometimes.

Kelly Barclay: 14:37

100% Yeah. Oh, we want an edge therapist.

Rikki Harris: 14:45

Well, I would tell them about you what you do where your salon is and all that fun stuff.

Kelly Barclay: 14:52

All right. Well, yes, my name is Kelly and I have a salon studio over in Midtown of Nashville. I've had it for about a year, but I've been doing hair since 2007. And I think I was only 17 When I started. So I got at a very young age, I had to learn how to draw that professional line between kind of being someone's therapist and also remembering that the end goal is the hair. And that is a constant, not necessarily struggle, because I take a lot of pride in people being comfortable to talk to me. But at the end of the day, I do like people to remember, I am just a hairstylist, and I can only I can only help so much. But sometimes people just want to talk and that's what I've learned is listening is powerful.

Rikki Harris: 15:50

Wow. Yeah. You've told me you've heard a lot of stories, different people, you know, trauma, their walk through life, their their fears, their concerns. What do you do with all that? I mean, how does that affect you day to day?

Kelly Barclay: 16:09

Um, you know, I don't think I don't think at the time of my career, majority of my career, I was so much younger than most of my clientele, that that line wasn't crossed. Because to them, I was just this young girl doing hair, and they were more excited about what I was doing for my free time. And then I would say, definitely, in the last five ish years. It's just been a different dynamic. And it has affected my life where I'll come home, and sometimes I'm just, I could just sleep for a whole day. And I'm just drained. And I'm like, I don't understand why I feel this way. Because I love. I love my job. I love my life. Why am I so pooped all the time? Yeah. And it was actually, my boyfriend who pointed out one day, he was just like, Kelly, I think that you don't, I don't think you realize what you do. I don't think you realize what you absorb. He I'm a very empathetic person, which I kind of love about myself. But it's a it's challenging, because sometimes someone will tell me something, and I just want to fix it for them. And then when I can't, um, that that hurts that like it does, it weighs on me, or I'll come home and I'm like, hush, I hope so. And so's Okay, I hope that their families, okay. And that's like normal. But when it's six to seven people every day, five to six days a week, every six weeks. You know, it's yeah, it's like a story that just keeps building. And so a tool that my boyfriend's mom taught me, she teaches yoga. Actually out of she does, like recover yoga outside of, I don't want to say it's kind of like, in the jail system. And so you know, that could be very heavy. And she has just taught me meditation to do before I leave. And honestly, just practicing gratitude and praying for peace and for my own mind and for others, and just being grateful for what I have and accepting that I all I can do is be kind and listen. Maybe not even offer advice, because then you're kind of held responsible for that advice, you know,

Rikki Harris: 18:36

yeah, yes. But that's amazing. That year, he said, Your boyfriend's mom taught you these techniques. And the first of all, you know, that's awesome. The work that she does, that's a huge need to support the people that are in our jails and prisons and but godly to have that ability to teach them to meditate and to center and focus. That's huge. And sounds like it works. It works for you because you're practicing it.

Kelly Barclay: 19:08

Yes, it's it's a constant reminder. And, and it's a thing, I'm grateful. It's a weird thing. It's a double edged sword sometimes because, um, it's something I complain about, but at the same time, the other half of my body is just like so incredibly grateful that I I don't just come to a hair salon and mindlessly play with people's hair all day and catch my paychecks and go home. You know, it gives me a sense of purpose as well. I just wish that I had a little bit of the background of of how to help because I'm just like, oh my gosh, I did not take psychology. I don't know what to do with this information. But I'm going to at least make sure you feel the best I can make you about yourself in this moment. Yeah,

Rikki Harris: 19:53

I think like, how much what I wonder why it's easier and I will say I think it is easier, I would agree for myself, it's easier to talk to someone you know casually about your own mental health than it is to make that appointment and go to a therapist. But I don't know, that is,

Kelly Barclay: 20:17

you know, I find myself doing it like with certain clients, they'll ask me just that right question where all of a sudden, I open up my own floodgates, and then I have to be like, Whoa, they're paying, they're not paying you for your to give you therapy, Kelly, like reel it in, you know, but I do think that it just becomes this comfort. And at the end of the day, we both know, we don't have to see or talk to each other for another six weeks. It is kind of, it's kind of a safe space where you're like, Okay, we just unloaded that baggage. And we both feel a little bit better. Yeah, yeah. But it does give

Rikki Harris: 20:52

you some, like, I'm trying to find the right words, but some sense of community that there are people in your life that you're regularly seeing that it's, it's nice to both get support and give support back and forth in those relationships, too. And not just hold everything in and think all if I'm going to talk about this, it's going to have to be in a professional place, you know,

Kelly Barclay: 21:17

right, right. Well, and some people don't want, you know, you go to a therapist, because at the end goal of therapy is to figure out what's really going on with you, and how you can strengthen that, you know, and when people come to me, the last thing they want me to do is diagnose, I'm sorry, but you know, like that they don't want and so I think that's the safeness for them, that they know. But you know, sometimes people cross the line. And it does, it gets really, it gets really tricky. But and the past, you know, year and a half has been a little bit trickier for some people. So it is it is a very unique time. But there was something about I felt once I turned 30, I felt my own clientele kind of looked at me a little differently. In the sense of what what's appropriate to talk about now versus even two and a half years ago, you know, it's just wow.

Rikki Harris: 22:18

Yeah. I mean, my next question for you is, how have the conversations in your chair changed since last year? 2020? Around March?

Kelly Barclay: 22:30

Yeah. Um, you know, for the most part, it's been a really like, kind of beautiful thing. And I'm really grateful for my studio, because it's been able to be really intimate, but at the same time, that level that that security and privacy that people feel, because it's just me and them in the salon. Probably, I thought about it. And if I still worked at a very public salon, I don't think a lot of things would be brought up, ever, you know, and so I try and maintain a level of professionalism. But yeah, it's been pretty heavy, I would say rightfully so. Some stuff has been sad, some stuff has just been frustrations, you know, but luckily for me, there's never been a lack of respect between me and my customers. I haven't had to deal with anything like that. It's just been something where I can't really describe it, you know, everyone's just been, everyone's been suffering. So it's just been, it's been heavy, but at the same time, especially last, let's see, we were shut down. Salons were shut down till almost June last year. So probably starting around then was where we were in all the phases, you know, and there's only so much you could do, and so much people wanted to do, but you know, I was one thing that people were adamant about doing was their hair. Yeah. And, you know, really important and that was yes. And that was the one thing on the calendar for people that they were like, oh my god, I cannot wait to go see Kel and I loved it. And it's amazing, but I had to remember that too. For some people I was their only source of outside their fan friends and family or you know, some people who who are by themselves. I was their only life's or in a very dramatic way but you know what I mean? Like, yeah, human connection. And even you know, my mentor back in Chicago, she always told me she was like, the most powerful gift we have in our industry is the power of touch. And she said people don't think about it you don't you don't really appreciate it until you don't have it. But just the fact that you can hug someone or or in our instance just like the shampoo, how nice is that make you feel you know, and in a time when you're just maybe by yourself and then you know, once a month you can come see me and we could talk and and you Get human interaction in the intimate way, a personal way. You know, it's just, it was it changed my, my whole mindset of my, of my craft and my industry and what I want my purpose behind the chair to be main goal is always to make sure you're not getting a wonky haircut, you know, but we appreciate, yeah, yes, that is the main goal. But, you know, when you leave, and you're like, Oh, I feel so much better, sometimes that it goes a little deeper than just the surface of your haircut, and just kind of a gift.

Rikki Harris: 25:36

Walk. Yeah, that's really wise. And it's really powerful. I mean, what you're, what you're offering your clients, and it has a lot to do with their image, it has a lot to do with how they feel about themselves. And that's pretty powerful, especially for a woman. I don't know if it's powerful for a man because I'm not a man. So I don't have that experience. But I can I can speak to it from that standpoint. That's so what things did you do to take care of yourself through the last 18 months that you think might help somebody else who's maybe struggling with feelings of like, languishing, or just get the, you know, feeling that blah, feeling trying to get through all this muddy water in the world right now.

Kelly Barclay: 26:23

Um, I would say, on a health standpoint, I kind of dropped the ball, I'm not gonna pretend like I started working out at home and stuff. And I definitely fell into that group of just like, when I came home, I just, well, actually, when I couldn't work was probably the hardest. The first week, I was like, on it, my laundry was all caught up. I was working out every day, my dog was living her best life. And then when we got shut down again, I just I did I went to a pretty dark place. But, um, my boyfriend, I'm really grateful for him. You know, it was a hard conversation. But he did. He just kind of sat me down. And he's like, Kelly, this could go on forever, are you going to be sad forever. And I was like, well, maybe, you know, like, leave me alone. But then I was like, but no, I don't want to be sad forever, I have to figure something out. Um, so I think what I try to do now is honestly just practice gratitude. Because that's the only thing I can really do. Like, it's not very easy for me to see my family. It's not very, I have some good friends here. But I don't have my whole core group here in Nashville. So as far as that goes, all I can do is just wake up every day and think about what I do have and what I am grateful for. And the rest is kind of starting to follow suit because of that, because I'm, I'm resetting my brain every morning to instead of being like, I have to do this, I have to do that. Or I can't do this, or I can't do that. I just try and focus on what I have, what I can control. And, and not make everything else feel like such an obligation, you know, going for a walk or going to work out now. I'm just like, okay, yeah, Kelly, you're pretty grateful, lucky that you could just wake up on a Tuesday and go for a hike if you want. I don't know that people can do that. So I'm just trying to shift my mindset. And that's been helping a lot.

Rikki Harris: 28:23

But I'm just really, really wise because one of the things that I've been trying to study and figure out is how to help people know how to shift their thoughts, because our thoughts really drive our feelings and how we, you know, if we think about things in positive ways, or when we think about things in gratitude, grateful ways, then we're in a different place versus think about things in hopeless ways. And then we're feeling pretty different.

Kelly Barclay: 28:55

Yeah, totally.

Rikki Harris: 28:56

I make sense. I love it. I love it. Well, yeah, mental health talk is not easy, but it sounds like in your world, you get to have lots of those conversations. So

Kelly Barclay: 29:11

do and, you know, other people's it's a it's a weird thing, because, you know, I don't want to take other people's stories. And not only like apply them to my life, but I don't want to look at them, like, Oh, I'm so grateful. I don't have that. You know, like, it's a it's not like that, but it is perspective. And I when I get like down in the dumps and stuff, I do remind myself like, oh my gosh, there was a lady who just broke down crying in my chair yesterday. You know, and she didn't have if she's talking to me that makes me think she didn't have anyone else to talk to and I'm just grateful that I do have people to talk to and if I can be that person for someone. I am grateful for it. But I just You You just have to learn how to separate it from affecting your life.

Rikki Harris: 30:05

Oh, true. Well, is there anything we didn't talk about that you just want listeners to know or hear? You want to tell them to go on and talk to you about? You know? Yeah,

Kelly Barclay: 30:17

I guess that's a good idea. It's called Wild Iris. It is right in the, I believe the heart of Nashville, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's a pretty cool spot to be in. And yeah, it's a very safe welcoming space. Anyone is welcome. Um, but yeah, I think if I had any advice, or anything I've learned is just that we just have to be nice to each other and, and just breathe through it, because we can do it. And I mean, two years is already gone by. So that's the other thing. I'm like, how fast time is going. I want to, I want to try and make it the most out of what we can you know,

Rikki Harris: 30:55

lately? Absolutely. Well, I will say I'll add one plug. Since I get to experience your salon and your chair and your cuts. I recommend it highly. I love the fact that it is just you and and you know, it is a really safe space. There's no worrying about how silly you look when your hair's in foils. No. Well, you is there to see it.

Unknown: 31:26

My Saint Leo,

Rikki Harris: 31:29

and I so appreciate you being willing to come on and chat with me. i Oh, thank you. I love syncing up like this. And I always appreciate the cool conversations that we have for the hour so that I get to see you every few months. So anyway,

Unknown: 31:47

thank you Kelly Barclay.

Rikki Harris: 31:48

I appreciate it. I hope you have an Oscar.

Kelly Barclay: 31:52

Yes, you too. Thank you. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.

Brian Sullivan: 32:05

Here are some tips to help keep you motivated through the holiday season. Spend time with people you enjoy. Learn to say no. Maintain a healthy routine. don't overspend. practice gratitude. Don't isolate yourself. Identify your triggers. Make something from scratch. Do a daily check in with yourself and take breaks when you need to. self care is so important this time of year. Make sure you're listening to yourself and what you need. For more information on how to maintain your mental health through the holiday season, log on to tn voices.org.

Erika Lathon: 33:07

Tn voices is now hiring qualified applicants to fill positions all across the state. You can be part of a growing team that puts the mental health of Tennesseans first and thrive in a compassionate work environment to apply to join our team log on to tn voices.org/employment. Thank you for joining us. If you enjoyed today's program, like subscribe and review this podcast. If you or someone you know is in need of mental health support services, log on to tn voices.org or call one 806 70988 to join us next time as we get candid